But I started thinking, what’s next? Will I be working my ass off to get a job? Will I travel around the world? Will I be slacking around, shopping and sitting in a coffee shop for hours doing nothing but watching people pass by? Will I take a master’s degree? Will I marry someone? Will I do the things they told me to do?

Options options options… Sometimes all I wanted to do is to sit back and let everything go whichever direction they want. Sometimes I just wanted to close my ears and my eyes so I don’t have to feel obligated to do things I don’t want to do. Sometimes I feel like taking a deep breath and stand still. No moves, no thoughts.

I feel like having this early 20s crises where I don’t know what I should do in my life. I wish I am not a person who have the tendency to think to much, to plan everything and of course it all have to go on my way. I wish I am more laidback and chill, but I can’t. Believe me I tried, but it’s just not me.

So after a couple of minutes, I still don’t know what should I do next. This is a disaster.

When you notice the very first episode of every tv series, they call it Pilot. It’s meant to be a ‘testing ground’. Why? Because this is to see if the show is actually sells to the audience and have an awesome rating, therefore the show can be continued.

I figured lately that what I have here in Melbourne is actually my very own ‘Pilot’. It’s a start. It is the time to see whether I can be someone someday, to see if everything I’ve learned so far paid off and can offer me a much crazier life out there. I don’t know if this is what I wanted right from the start; flying out to Melbourne and study communications, which I thought was pretty easy but in fact it’s not. I chose to stand up on my own feet and live my life here in Melbourne for the past 3 years. I’ve been happy, I’ve been down, I’ve been broke and I’ve been through a lot.

But I’m still trying to figure out what future has to offer me. Will I be working on my dream-job? Will I be travelling around the world and tick everything out of my bucket list? Will I be married someday just as I planned? I’ll never know.

Sometimes I wonder if all that matter is the outcome of everything. The result. If I can be more patient, I wil be bla bla bla. And so on. But how about ‘right know’? Does that mean if I say these years that have passed in Melbourne was just a try-out? Does that mean what I feel during those years don’t matter because what matters the most is the future? What if there’ll be no future?

I know it’s been ages since I last wrote a post.. I’ve been busy. I know you might think that can’t be true, because usually I am so popular with my unoccupied situation. But yeah it’s been 3 weeks and I’ve been working!! Woohoo! I’m doing this internship thing in Marubeni-Itochu Tubulars Oceania Pty Ltd to finish my course in PR major. My work here doesn’t really seem to be PR-related task, though I do write some newsletter, press releases, advertisement but most of the time I just wander around the office and interview every each of them, asking them what are they doing blablabla… It’s almost feel like a training. But I don’t mind, I finally realize that the Oil & Gas Industry is very very interesting! I spent my time reading the books, introduction to Oil Industry, manuals, etc. If one day my dad wanted to make a test out of it, I’m sure I can have at least a Distinction!

So far, Perth is not so bad for me. It’s been treating me well with their seafood.. Fresh Oysters, lobsters, king prawns.. Heaven! The only thing that annoyed me the most maybe the fact that my housemates are all playing World of Warcraft, when they are playing it’s almost impossible for me to even talk to them, or drag them out of the house to have drinks. So yeah, it’s really annoying.

My lovely boyfriend finally get his internship too! He’ll be working with United Nations Institute for Training and Research!!! I’m so proud of you, love! He’ll be in Geneva from August to February 2012.. I’m so happy for him Sometimes I feel so sad because I know I wouldn’t be able to see him at least until next year, but if that’s something that I should go through for the sake of love, I don’t mind. I can not act childish in here and demanding him to go see me all the time because I know it’s just impossible. So, I will wait. I’ll try to educate my patience and childish mind, it might take a lot of effort and gloomy days to go through this stage, but as always, this too shall pass.

Anyway. I’m going back to Melbourne this Saturday, I can’t wait. Although the next Sunday I have to get back to school once again, I just wish that the next 4 months will be over real soon, I can pass all of my subject and eventually, GRADUATE!! Wonderful. Ok now I have to start planning for my future, what will I do after I graduate. I still don’t have a clue

Well, it’s time for me to get back to work, to get back on track. Wish me luck!

xo

This video looks unreal. But still it shows the exact thing I need right in this second. If I can have just a little time and more money to spend, I think this is the perfect place to grab some sweet escape from the reality. Yes I want to disappear until further notice.

So I’m here down under, and you’re all the way up there. Google said we’re about 10284.04 miles or 16550.10 kilometers apart. Wow.

I used to hate the distance. Or maybe I still do. But that won’t change anything. I miss you, love!

I found a song by Adele called Daydreamer, that I love so much, and it reminds me of my boyfriend. So much. Here it goes:

Daydreamer, sittin’ on the seat
Soaking up the sun he is a real lover,
makin’ up the past and feeling up his girl like he’s never felt her figure before.
A jaw dropper
Looks good when he walks, he is the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase, but good to catch
and he could change the world with his hands behind his back.

You can find him sittin’ on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he’s been there for hours
And you can tell that he’ll be there for life

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter because he’s there for you when he shouldn’t be
But he stays all the same, waits for you and then sees you through
There’s no way I could describe him
All I say is, just what I’m hoping for

But I will find him sittin’ on my doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he’s been there for hours
And I can tell he’ll be there for life

I feel so blessed. And it has been almost 11 months and I can gladly say that I’m still so much in love with him. More precisely, I’m crazy for him. Maybe you’d say that I’m just so lovey dovey but I don’t care. When you find a man who can make you feel alive again, I bet you’d do the same thing as I’m doing right now.

xo

Honestly, I’ve been very nervous and anxious about the coming exams. I feel like I’m somehow unprepared even though I study almost everyday and I tried my best to focus on things that I don’t understand. Will my hard work pays off by the end of the semester?

Nothing is so interesting lately. Mom’s coming tomorrow, she’ll stay with me during the exam, and on the 18th, my dad will be here, and they’ll stay until the 30th. Exam is starting next week, and maybe we’ll go to some places for a day or two after that.

I’ve been losing weight since early last month, maybe it’s due to stress, lack of sleep and food. I don’t know. I don’t care.

So yeah, let’s see what June has for me. It better be good, I warn you.

xo